I hadn’t really thought that ambivalence *doesn’t* mean I shouldn’t do it.

Huh.

Though a friend of mine said (in a kind of connected topic) that when it was difficult to make a decision between two options, that meant that there was almost equal good in both, so NEITHER were the wrong (nor right) decision.

Helped me at the time.

I *LOVED* changing my name, but me and my hub chose a new one together.

Hence the great Twitter handle.

Andrew Lightheart´s last blog ..And so it begins…

i watch myself and everyone i know wrestle with the tension between open and closed, romance and skepticism, faith and reason, confidence and doubt, tenderness and protectiveness, hope and fear, transcendence and realism, generosity and caution, friendship and business.

i don’t see any way out of it. i think this kind of tension is the truest fundamental, a fundamental that, alas, isn’t a groove you can slide and cozy your way into, but a groove that’s a rickety rope bridge we weave as we walk it.

how can it not be? ours is to enjoy life with death in full view.

[jeremy sherman, http://mindreadersdictionary.com/

@Amber: Oh wow, the two names thing would be hard (talk about schiophrenic!)… I love that you can embrace the ambivalence of having kids/loss of freedom. I am so going to use you as a model if I ever have kids

@Pearl Wow, that’s so funny that you both did that… that sounds way too confusing for a scatterbrain like myself! Also, I am so going to use the phrase “private naysayer.”

@ Reba: OMG you are so totally in my head. Or at least the journey I have been on. The need to take dramatic, immediate action balanced against the ability to gently hold all of it within you at once. You are pretty much speaking to my entire life’s work

@ Eric: exactly! So hard to give the entire backstory

@Wulfie: Hmm, I think I am a cheater too. I’m going to have three names now. I guess my former last name is now my middle name. But I’m using all three names. (btw I think we need a schizophrenic conversationalist cocktail party.)

@ Bridget: Yesss *grin*

@Pam: Argh, what a story. I’m so sorry to hear about the messiness, but glad to hear you are getting some peace. Lots of love to you ~

I had decided I didn’t want to take my husband’s name when we married… but he pulled the “if you don’t take my name you don’t love me and I won’t marry you” thing. I was 23 and I didn’t see things clearly. So I took his name even though I had ambivilance.

Then I left and I took my maiden name back. Even 3 months after doing it I feel torn in half… my kids have his name, they want BOTH names (my last name AND his) and I am not allowed to do that without his consent (which he won’t give)…

I was glad both times that I did things the way I did, but I still felt sadness and grief each time… for my single life and my idea of married life lost…
pam´s last blog ..I want to change how I spend MONEY

I want to live on a boat. But I love my house.

But I want to be on my boat. But my house is so cool.

Yes. Totally. And also about 500 other things.
Bridget´s last blog ..The Energetic Body Loves Exercise

We weren’t going to get married at all, it seemed a pointless thing. I got pregnant and seven months into that learned that the baby couldn’t have his father’s name UNLESS we were legally married. No fair and blackmail. Sooo we got married but I kept my name and tacked his on (which is really a pain in the butt to write out) and solved the problem and still somehow feel that we thumbed our noses at THE MAN/THEM. lol

I believe having both names is what eventually made me into a schizophrenic conversationalist…but not sure.

I totally know the feeling of grieving after a decision and everyone telling you “well if you feel like that, why are you doing it?” I still have no clue what I should tell them. Maybe just that–that I’ve made a big decision and now I’m grieving.

But, I can tell you, I’m guilty of asking people “why are you doing it” too. I might have to stop now. Thanks for making me aware of it!

Later.
Eric Normand´s last blog ..A deep thought about pushups

Yes yes yes to the general theme of honouring-the-feelings-without-it-meaning-the-doing. Or ‘thinking in extremes’, as I boringly used to call it before I spilt my tube of glitter all over everything.

There’s been a whole long period of my life where the doing in reaction to the feeling was prolific. Like, ohmygod I’mfeelingtotallyoverwhelmedrightnow, so I absolutely have to quit my job. Right now. Or end my relationship, or move house, or get rid of all my clothes. Always accompanied by a feeling of total panic and desperation.

And now I’m noticing this direct correlation between the amount of time I spend listening to and caring for myself, and my capacity to feel the emotions without needing to go straight to the doing. Which leaves so much space, and choice, and presence that I’m almost puzzled. In a wait-a-minute, isn’t-this-the-part-where-I-freak-out? way.

Thank you for sharing this, which touches on my own experience so beautifully.

Love Reba x

This was totally me. I did change my name and then like Amber I kept using my maiden name professionally for a long time. Talk about ambivalence. It seems that it took me almost a decade for my practice to catch up wtih my intention. I am at peace with it all now.

I am actually beginning to think that almost every intention I have carries its own private naysayer. So that if I choose to listen and look, I am always living with the ambivalences. And the key is to keep moving forward, creating space for it as you say and love my crazy self anyway!
Pearl Mattenson´s last blog ..1.7.10

I find parenting to be very much about mixed feelings. I love my kids dearly, but they are really little balls of conflict and confusion in their own way. I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but I would also love to have that freedom again, when I could choose what time I went to bed and got up all by myself. Oh, the bliss of it!
Amber´s last blog ..Another Year of Knitting