How to Build a Sailboat*

There I was under a cerulean blue sky in a seaside village in Greece, when…

Eeeep. Wrong sailboat. No, my story is way boringer. (Previous installments 1 & 2.)

So anyway there I was, on my living room couch in Seattle… and I started by making these random, mind-map-type notes. Everything from MASSIVE CREATIVE THINGS I want to accomplish, to carving out meditation time (become more ENLIGHTENED, now!), to remembering to call my long-distance friends before the loop starts in my head about how much I suck and what an awful friend I am (and on and on and and.)

(Actually, avoiding the loop in every sense was pretty much the main purpose of sailboat-building.)

Holding on Loosely

So eventually I had an amorphous List (of Many Types of  Things.) But I didn’t just want to make a straight schedule, do this at this time, then do this. (Been there, didn’t remotely do that.)

Above all I needed a feeling of not being constricted by time unless absolutely necessary.

A day seemed too small an increment, and and a month seemed too long, so I focused on creating an “ideal week.”

What would Eileen’s perfect week have in it?  I mean really? (If I could make a dammit list for how I spend my time.)

A few things came to me right away. A big thing I wanted was a sense of “finishing” my work day, that as I transitioned into making dinner I was done with computer-based tasks for the day. Another thing was not feeling rushed in the mornings, since whenever I plan something super-early I end up resenting the hell out of it. Yet another was not having obligations on the weekends so that I am free to do fun active stuff, or wacky house projects with my husband.

So I took my crazy mind map and started collaging pieces of it onto my “ideal week”. A little here, a little there.

And then questions started to emerge, which started little dialogues, opportunities to check in with myself. Like, “I want to write blog posts regularly” led to hmm, what’s regularly? I don’t think I can write blog posts every day yet, but what about every other day? Yes, I could do that…

And so on. Until the collage became a series of loose containers for the stuff I want to do every week.

The Boat

Next came…well, fonts. The sailboat needed to be pretty. I wanted it to be something that I liked spending time in (oh, metaphors. I do love you.)

I used the design process to talk to myself.

Some containers have solid outlines and times attached. They say “okay, you have to meet this person at this time.”

Some containers are more muted, they don’t have rigid outlines. But they’re there for me. They say, “hey, you like writing blog posts, here’s a space for you to do that.”

Some containers have dotted lines because they are wonderfully open pieces of time. They have suggestions for how I might fill them, in case I get stuck. They’ll also hold things for me if I need them to.

Some fade into nothingness. They say “ahhh time to relax and play in the kitchen making dinner, forget the clock, sweetie…”

And some containers, like on the weekend, aren’t even containers at all. They’re gentle fading circles because they wanted to be even more open than rectangles.

How it Works (aka Deguiltification)

Now I just print out my sailboat before the beginning of each week.

The boat has plenty of space for lists. So on a day with a “worky-work” block I can write in the items I need to finish on that day. Or I can list errands I need to remember on a day that has an errand block.

I still use my calendar for scheduling appointments out in the future. And my week is never “ideal”…there’s always stuff scribbled in or crossed out. But the point is I have a place to start. Something to push against, something to rearrange. In a way, the sailboat is like my first draft of a week.

Just as important as what’s included every day is what’s not included.

The loop.

If I have “write a blog post” three days in a week, that’s four days where I don’t have a blog post planned. So I was able to let go of this pervasive, amorphous feeling of oh I should write something.

I planned out one evening when I would catch up on phone calls and do laundry. So when today is not that day? I don’t have this crushing feeling about oh I am an awful friend/daughter/sister because I never call anyone back. (I know I will call them back, for a nice long chat. It’ll just be on Monday while I’m doing my laundry.)

I’m sure I will make adjustments in the future, but right now this is just what I need. I love interacting with it, being in it. Sailing it.

And I know this sounds crazy, but my beautiful little sailboat-week has been a big part of this transcendental, peaceful blissy emptiness I’ve been feeling lately.

(I also think that eating mainly raw foods may have something to do with it too…but that’s a whole other thing I need to untangle before I blog about it.)

* Or choose-your-own-metaphor, of course

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Sailing (Takes Me Away…)
Containers